To All My Homies in Cell Block E

I really don't know what the title is about, I just had nothing else to say.

So, my elbow has been hurting for quite some time now. I first noticed it hurting in the beginning of May and I am an idiot and cannot stop doing things that continue to aggrivate the pain. I have not been to the doctor (because my work has become very unpopular with the Poultry Freedom Now organization and hence become very underfunded) so I have no idea what is wrong with it. In my professional opinion I have tendonitis, but what do I do for that other than not use my elbow? If I had the ability to hear my body parts talking like my cohort Ace, I am sure I would have heard A LOT of profane words and ethnic slurrs.

New Topic

Why!!!!!!!!! do people care about celebrities lives. I don't understand it. I insincerely appologize to those of you who do, but why. Who cares about what they do with there lives. They date, do stupid things, and say really stupid things. And to you celebrities, why do you think I should listen to what you have to say because you made a movie, or have a TV show. Keep your political and activistic comments to yourself. I don't a crap who you think should be president, whether or not you want gay marriage allowed, or what everyone needs to do to go green. Make your movies (which I love by the way) and then get out of my life. The only form in which I want you in my home is either as a DVD or as a HD sporting event.

My number one "celebrity" complaint is Reality TV Stars. Who are you? Why are you famous? Just because you had six kids at one time, or are very wealthy, or have a totally eccentric personality, or started your own business, or are midgets, doesn't mean anyone should care about your life. Sometimes I wish I lived as an Argentinian Llama heardsman high in the Andes mountains. My days would be all about trying to survive and not filled with this stupid crap. I cannot stand that people actually care about you and want to watch you on TV. GO AWAY!!!!!!!

OK the Argentinian llama heardsman thing was a little too far, but you get my point.

Things that are awesome:

Finding extra money in your pockets after you washed your clothes
The 49ers are 2-1 (and only lost because of an amazing last second Farve play)
HOT showers
Breakfast Sandwiches
Lunch Meetings (if its free and you are getting paid to be there)
Fountain Coke with Ice
Coke in any form of distribution
Free Coke
Going pee when you have been holding it for a really long time
Going poop when you have been holding it for a really long time
Toothless smiles
Going to bed early
Staying up late
Trains
Scotland Yard
Nazi Zombies
Warfish
Getting in your own bed with freshly clean sheets
Getting into a cold bed
The King Kong cone
Taking your boots off after a good day of skiing
Inglorious Bastards
Being a Genious
Having Emotions

Things that Suck:

Having Emotions
Being an Idiot
"Healthy" microwave popcorn
Diet Coke
Accidently letting your kid's forehead smash into the bathroom mirror while you are helping them stand up (sorry duder)
Raisin Nut Bran (but Raisin Bran Crunch belongs in the awesome category)
Pathelogical liars (just stop lying, I don't believe anything that comes out of your mouths even if it is true)
Insecurities
President Obama (get off TV and do your job)
Lazy people/people who wont help themselves.
The new generation of kids who don't know how to do anything because everything gets done for them (they can't even build a simple model rocket, read the damn instructions)

I would like to give a shout out to those of you who actually read all of my bipolar rant, and to Tu Pac. RIP.

Jeans.

Hello Fans,

It has been long while since we posted anything but I am glad that I have finally got a spare moment to write a few thoughts.

First Thought:

You spend the beginning of your life worrying about what other people think about you.
Then you realize that you don't care what other people think about you.
Then you realize that people dont think about you.

Second Thought:

I wish I was born about 50 years ago.
Growing up would have been cooler because they had all these sweet jungle gyms and toys that have now been taken away because there is a risk involved. Plus, I would be that much closer to dieing and wouldnt have to be worrying about what I am going to do with my life.

Third Thought:

I hope that the Utah Jazz have a good season. (but I know that they wont).
Faith is not a principal in sports. In sports faith=wish/dream.
I hate when people tell me to have faith in a team (as if the power of my faith would make them win). I guess I am just a doubting Thomas when it comes to sports teams.

Fourth Thought:

I want people to answer this question:
would you rather have permenant bad body odor (it doesnt go away)? OR
Have permenant zitty face (pus filled zits, like five on your face no matter what all the time)?

Please post a comment explaining why you would choose either one

PS Additional things that suck

President Obama
Soggy cereal
those shoes that have toes
that the US doesnt use the metric system
Ostriches
Being lost
Hell
The haunted forest (the one behind my apartment, not the one in AF)
wizkids
shilo (brad pitt and angelinas kid)
Losing stuff
Accidentally crying in sad movies
armpit stains (we used to know this guy that had stains that looked like buttered popcorn)
Speed walking (either jog or slow walk- its just confusing)
uncooked potatoes
being dizzy
getting shot in the leg
waking up earlyier than you were supposed to.
Being made fun of
Choosing the wrong (CTW)
trying to be sympathetic about things you could care less about
getting in really cold water (with each new step it becomes more and more like suck)
wrestling (so weird)
snakes
people kyaking down the provo river
stepping in dog crap
being bit by a dog
being hit by a car while rollerskating
rollerskating
homosexual pride (you dont see straight people needing to have a parade)
beating around the bush
shooter mcgavin

Adam's Wedding

We are so pumped for our good friend Adam and his new Bride, here are a few pics at the wedding!

We love you Adam! Awesome Army suite (where did you get that?)

Love Ace and Jeans

Fans of our Work

I recently recieved an anonymous post card from someone in Phoenix, AZ who is an obvious admirer of Ace and my work. I wanted to share the contents of this post card with all of our followers. The spelling and punctuation is as written by our admirer.


"You use syenthic telepatly to talk to peoples minds looking for money the people who you talk to have all been wiped out thay don't rember a thing theres no master disk or notebook. I hear you talk I tell you im homeless and need a good car and money to travel all over the US. If you whant my Help."


Dear Friend,

Regretfully, Ace and I will not be able to grant your request. Our travels take us many more places than the US, and when either one of us are unable to make the journey, a lobster fisherman from Maine has already been hired for the postion.

However, from your correspondence I have realized that Ace needs to make a few adjustments to the Brain Wave device. It is obviously not working properly if you were able to hear our messages, and you only recieved fragments of the real messages. You will be glad to know that the master disk is fine.

Thank you for your interest in our work and we will keep your post card on file in case any positions open up.

Sincerely,

Jeans "Jeans"

P.S. Things That Suck

Insomnia
Guys who work out on bouncy balls
Junior High Kids
Travis Barker
Stephens French Vanilla Hot Chocolate
Edited Movies
Goldfish (3 second memory? what is the point)
Bad Breath
The fact that 40% of what you learn in school K-12 is not the truth

Things that suck

So, I often hear people saying "that sucks" so casually to a friend or an acquaintance. Which to me is really just an indicator that the person listening to their friend about whatever truly devastating experience they may be having, doesn't truly know how to empathetically respond so, they just say "that sucks"

As if that shows any form of compassion.

To me the phrase "that sucks" should be used for things that really do suck and not for a really dumb way to be sympathetic.

So, I have decided to dedicate this post to things that suck, in hopes that whomever may read this post will respond stating the things that they think sucks.

So here is my list:

1. Snot (not buggers - which I find to be funny)

2. the sewer

3. Cats

4. The death of Freddie Murcury (Queens lead singer - RIP)

5. Incense

6. People that sit around and burn Incense

7. Seafood

8. Knuckleheads

9. sitting in trafic

10. tuna in oil

11. the spagetti factory

12. Not wearing green on St patricks day

13. really really tall or really really short people.

14. black licorice

15. those fake trees that the phone companies have put up to disguise there phone towers (they dont look real at all - there is one on university avenue in Provo Utah)

16. Robin in Batman

17. the alarm clock noise (they cant come up with anything good)

18. That mcdonalds is trying to go healthy

19. peeping toms and perverts

20. guys that sell alarm systems.

21. Facial warts

22. That they decided that Pluto wasnt a planet (sorry pluto)

23. toenail clippings that dont make it to the garbage

24. allergies

25. All of the Twilight mumbo jumbo

26. Voldemort

27. stepping on nails

28. making mistakes

29. male enhancement adds

30. californians in utah that always talk about california - get out.

Task One - Establish blog

Welcome Everyone to our blog. Jeans and I (Ace), have been wanting to make a blog for sometime now and have finally got around to it. We have recently been working on our second edition space suits and are excited to show them for the first time coming up shortly. Since Jeans is currently living in Russia in pursuit of new technology that is much needed for time travel, I will be in charge of our blog untill Jeans either returns or we establish better communication.

Peace Be Unto You,
Ace Johnson